What I learned out on the road

Courtney claims she broke up with her "boyfriend" for me.
We talked a bit last night. She asked me not to talk for a sec so she could tell me that shes realizes shes really taken advantage of my caring over the past few years, and how shes taken me for granted, how she wants something real, and is scared shitless of my answer. I told her that if theres one thing Im not, its that Im not chickenshit to the point where I have to have an important conversation over the phone.


What dawned on me though, and I suppose that it really hit me harder than just about anything I've ever realized.

I've lost my ability to really love, or to really care about someone in a romantic fashion since Kellye and I broke up. I never realized it until last night. But, since she left, I almost feel like I lost a large part of myself, and part of that was my ability to really give my love or my all. Ive been having dreams about her over the past month or two, nothing seriouos, but I kept trying to figure out what they mean, but I realized, what they mean is "Wes, you had something special you took for granted, and now, you'll never have that sensation again."

It's Counts birthday tomorrow, hopefully it'll be some fun around midnight.