Hmph

She's way too good to me.

I came home from work today to eat a quick dinner, had my insurance bills and something else on the counter, as well as a package from her.

I opened it. It was my two favorite candy bars and a pack of Malrboro Lights.

With a note saying

"Here's a few stress relievers, hope you have a great week.
Miss you."


Why have I lost my ability to really care about people?
Why have I lost my ability to give?

Why do I feel as empty as I did years ago.
But now I don't have an outlet, I don't have friends in the same boat, I don't have the reckess company of days past, and all I can do is hold it in.

I need a release.

Everything is all I have to give you
And I'm afraid it ain't enough
And you're not so young that you believe me
Just because I say it's love
And even if they come to steal you tomorrow
I'll know my smile was yours
Go ahead and chase your dreams and your freedom
Run, run wild wild horses
You can't tame these horses
You can't tame these horses, no
You can't tame these horses
You can't tame these horses


I gotta order a new fuel pump for the GSR, lol.

Either don't be jealous of who I'm with, or have me to yourself.
Or dont bring in someone new that you know doesnt do it for you and pretend.

It's a simple fucking thought process.

And shes a waste of time I feel sometimes. A lost cause.
But I know I wouldn't be me without her. I know I wouldn't want to not have her in my life.
And other times, I know Id give her all the time in the world and I'd be pretty happy.


I have too much on my mind.

Way
Too
Much

Wessy F baby & don’t forqet the F around me
And if you do, then qet the F around me

New car

So, I got the GSR, insured and all.

So far, went ahead and bought
-Timing belt
-Water Pump
-Wiper blades
-Fuel Filter
-PCV
-NGK Spark plugs
-Valvoline oil
-Coolant

Still need to go get a temp sender switch and a failsafe thermostat.

I hope I'll have some time sunday to get it all installed so I can start driving it more.

Not that I cant drive it now, but the temp gauge is kinda iffy, so I'd rather get all the maintenance done before I DD it.

I'm also pretty sure that is has a lightweight flywheel in it.
And as cool as it is, I want to get rid of the damned thing and trade it for a stock one.

I also need to trade Mike for some rear speakers tomorrow at work, so I can throw my 4 channel and components and everything in at once.

I need to go get a new soldering iron as well.



And sometimes, I don't think many people realize the amount of stress I'm under.
I hope those around me realize how sorry I am for letting it get the best of me, or for my actions as of late.

Money, money, money

So, my loan went through today, Gotta go get the cash out, and blam, Integra GSR sedan is mine.

Im pretty excited.

I finally got Johns motor in last night, nothing is wired up or anything yet, but its resting in the car, I may finish up some off it tonight depending on my mood.

What was cool though, was that at like 1:30 this morning, I got a call from Forough. It was funny, as for some reason I always get excited when she calls, as I tend to only see her once every few months, but, I love catching up with her, and reminiscing about crazy shit over the years. definitely have her in my book of "coolest girls I know" for sure. So, we drove the streets of Atlanta for a couple of hours, and went down around hapeville so I could try and find the ballin drift spot everyone was talking about, with no avail, haha. I do enjoy her company more than most, as it seems that her and I really are on about the same page of craziness, I just never noticed, haha. The one thing that bothers me a bit though, is that we've been good friends for about 3 years now, but honestly, I realized that I don't really know her as well as I do most friends I've had that long. Hopefully we'll hang out more often, as I'd love to change that.

There's not that many people that can get me to drive downtown at 2am, haha.

I dunno, as stressed as I am with the things going on in my household, Im in a decent mood.
Im pretty sure a new car will cheer me up to be honest.

Tired

Im so tired.


Im tired of this day to day shit, tired of feeling like I do.

Barely trust them

I know a guy with a rockstar life
but he still dont fly so hes mad at the sky
sits me down and kicks his wisdom
hes been around now give him a listen
seems like hes gotta lotta complaints bout now-a-days things aint the same
used to play some faith in the basement
a toast for the sky and those kids that he came with
cause they all on the same shit based on cutdown _
uptown stay strong
dont ever do a dance with the devil now
that smile is a sign that you're sellin out
judgement, gossip, ethics, lets just exploit all this excess
you can feel how he feels
to walk around town lookin down from them tall heels.
and who needs fame or fortune when you get the same love that the fame is snortin
future, so afraid of yours as you strayed from the course and you came up short
believe he would have more credibility if he wasnt just another drunk pill junkie
its obvious to me that hes still hungry for the superstars a little bad lucky
go ahead and get mad at god
point your fingers at your dad and at santa claus
listen all of yall its a sabatoge wouldnt look so bad with the bandage off

it goes one for the bar tab, two for the shot, lets go to your car, do another line
barely trust em, they're all puppets, love is nothin scared of sucess
one for the bass, two for the drums, last call gonna take whatever comes
barely trust em, they're all puppets, love is nothin scared of sucess.

i think its great how you used to be great
i cant hate on how you choose to relate
but i know that you had the potential
i understand why you wanted to let go
a lot of pressure in the middle of those shoulders
and we aint gettin nothin but older
aint nothin change but the day we run from
but nobody knows it better than you huh?

one for the bar tab, two for the shot, lets go to your car, do another line
barely trust em, they're all puppets, love is nothin scared of sucess
one for the bass, two for the drums, last call gonna take whatever comes
barely trust em, they're all puppets, love is nothin scared of sucess.

one for the bar tab, two for the shot, lets go to your car, do another line
barely trust em, they're all puppets, love is nothin scared of sucess
one for the bass, two for the drums, last call gonna take what ever comes
barely trust em, they're all puppets, love is nothin scared of sucess.

barely trust em, they're all puppets, love is nothin scared of sucess

Eh

I should know monday for sure if my loan is approved, so I can bring this damned Integra home.

Ive started to wonder if getting this car was more trouble than it was worth, but it'll work out well, atleast I know Im buying it for less than its worth, so I can always sell if if I decide to.

Geico

So, I got an insurance quote for this GSR.

Basically, it was liabiliy with Comprehensive on it incase its stolen.

Came out to fucking 50.07 a month. That is fucking ballerific.

Mom said she'd go cosign on the loan for me if I needed it, which was pretty cool, she knows how long I've wanted a GSR. I'm gonna mess with it some more monday, drive it around, and check it all out, have shane leakdown test it and do a good once over on it before I buy it, just so I know what I'd be getting into if I pick it up.

I figure if anything, I can get it home, and sell the Konigs off it, and get some blades or SI wheels, or just some better looking 17's for it since it has damn near new tires on it. 17x8's would sit nice on it.

I dunno, I hate to get another Honda, because I know the modding bug will get ahold of me, but, it would be a hellafun car to scoot around in daily.

I mean, 4dr, good mileage, MT, and a proven reliable motor that with a few boltons should put down about 170whp, which would be mighty fun.


I'll say this though, the first thing I'm getting for it is a fucking Oil PSI gauge, and some headunit, so I can put the speakers I have laying around in it, as well as wiring up some kind of ignition and fuel kill, as well as a starter trick too.

relate to the
dead ends to chase
feelings to fake
new hearts to break
amends to make
they all so
afraid of safe
and need their space
but huggin' that crowd
when we shake with the quake
and uh...
times like this are up...
Up for whatever
and how are you?

we break their stride
cause we break our mirrors
their huggin' that pride like its all there is
we make our own and if they don't feel it
then we are not for them...
we caught a riot..




I feel like Im at work everday lately, but, honestly, Im to a point Im tired of it, and I want a steady check at the end of the week.

Mike has a 94 GSR sedan that Im trying to buy.

Hopefully I get approved for the loan on it, I could use a good credit build as well.

Goddamnit.
She drives me up a wall sometimes.

Everytime.
I'm wondering, how do you not get over someone you've never had?

The looks she gives me, those fucking green eyes, that seem to have gotten a brownish tint to them over the years. And that smartass cackle she has.
I know what shes doing. But I don't think she does sometimes.

Fuck.
Same shit, different year.


But I put it all on the table 2 nights ago. Period.

Ball is in her Court.

Note to self

Stay true.
Be easy.

We're all just chasing a high
So we play it by ear.
Nothing to gain.
Nothing to fear.

Cheese

It's funny to me how Steph and I are still good friends after this many years.

"Hey, whats up....wanna buy me dinner"

I couldn't help but laugh.


I dunno, I need to get my shit together for real.

I need something to happen by 2010.

So I'm gonna put myself on a time table.

I need $xxxx in the bank.
I need my own place.
I need a reliable car paid off.
I need a purpose.

Hmm.

It's a strange feeling going through my mind.

I try to shrug it off, and not admit to it. 

But the more I look at her when she smiles, and the more she looks at me like I'm the only guy in the world, I seriously feel like I'm falling in love with her.

It scares the living shit out of me.

Picked up an exhaust for Lucy last night.

Ordered some 4x6 to 6.5 speaker adapters for her as well.

I need to get my Circuit Sports gasket from Griffin, header from Neejay, and an S14 upper intake manifold, as well as my rear stainless brake lines from peter, my gauges, tube or two of Window Weld, and some other odds and ends.

I also need to sort through my cam collection so I know which to swap in my KA.

So, apparently, I have a "Haggard Swagger."

By definition, it's due to my constant 5 o'clock shadow, my roughneck nature, my general attire of black tee's and jeans, how I tend to not give a shit about anything, and how my brother "has seen bitches throw themselves at me due to my nature, but none want a relationship with me"