I'm glad shes my best friend.

Get in the Ring

I realize some nights.
Or some days, somewhere in between
The things we say and do
And do not mean
And her and I share
This same old dance and song
This same old right and wrong
Tell me where has the time gone

But we keep singin
And wrapping ourselves up tight
And we keep dreaming
For days when everythings alright
And we keep lying, just to stay awake
Cause the less we give than take
The more we bend to break



It's funny

I think its been almost 4 years to the day (give or take a couple of days) that her and I met.

Ya know, fuck this melodramatic poetic viewpoint.

I don't know what the fuck I'm babbling about anymore.
I have an awesome girl that genuinely loves me.

I have a decent job and I make good money.

I have friends, I have aquaintances


I am exhausted, in every way.


When you love 3 women, its hard keeping up with lies.
Springs my first love, started creepin' with July.

12:29amStephanie

i think he'd kind of crazy to be honest

he frightens me some

i think he'll kill someone else before committing suicide

12:30amWes

Exactly!

Haha, does he really scare you /

12:30amStephanie

yes

that one time

i was in his car

and we were driving

and i was trying to have a real conversation with him

this lookin his eyes

was like

"I"m gonna rape you real good."

12:31amWes

LOL!!!

Steph, I love you lots, that comment just made my world.

12:31amStephanie

lol

im so for real

it was scay

scary*

lol

i couldnt wait to get out of the car

I'm drinkin' some George Jones,
and a little bit of Coe
Haggard's easin' my misery
and Waylon's keepin' me from home
Hank's givin' me those high times -
Cash is gonna sing it low
I'm here gettin' wasted -
here with my country heroes

I'm drinkin' that whiskey
out of that glass
and if that ain't country,
boy, you can kiss my ass
I wanna hear them old songs -
nothin' of the new
'cause this might be the last time
I'm gonna see you

What it do like?

Once this Prelude is done, and I get a new ignition switch in the GSR.

I'm putting my hatch back together.

I looked at it the other day, and realized I have a potentially fun fucking car just sitting in my yard wasting away.

All I really need to make it run and drive at the moment are fluids, and rear S14 SE rotors.



I think I'm gonna try and go to Charlotte on the 14th. It might potentially be the last NIN show, and honestly, as long as I've been a fan of theirs, I'd hate to say I didnt see them on what might be thier last tour because I hate outside venues.

I sent off a school app or two.
I think I'm just gonna do something in computers, Cisco or something. Or I'll just bite the bullet, take the semester I need of core classes, and do what I really wanna do, something in medical.

Hopefully I'll get started in the fall, and can rock and roll and get back on track.
I'm almost tempted to just say fuck moving out, and take out a good sized student loan, cut my hours at work, and just really dedicate myself to school, and take as many hours as I can each semester, and play catchup so I get done in a reasonable timeframe.

I've just realized working in a shop all day everyday doesnt make me happy like it used to, and really, I can't really go anywhere doing what I do. I want something with potential, good salary, and really just a job that I help people everyday, or atleast feel genuinely appreciated on a daily basis. Sounds corny, but its what I want.

Really, if I could make 50 or 60k a year, in my mind, I'd have it made, ha.

Regardless I guess, I'd just like to have a more professional career I guess, or just a real career, and not a job. And really, I'm tired of being dirty as fuck everyday when I get off.

I'm good with cars, I'll give myself that, I'm good with car audio, delivery, pickup, customers, and all the random shit that entails, but its not what I want to do all my life, atleast not as my primary income.

I'll be 21 in 6 months, I need to be on a path to somewhere by then, period.

The fuck.

She say that she still wants a friendship
She can't live her life without me as a friend
I can't figure out why I give a damn to what she wants
I don't understand the now before the then
Most of this garbage I write that these people seem to like
Is about you and how I let you infect my life
And if they got to know you, I doubt that they would see it
They'd wonder what I showed you how you could leave it
A friend in Chicago said that I should stay persistent
If I stay around I'm bound to break resistance
Fuck you Lucy for defining my existence
Fuck you and your differences

Ever since I was a young lad with a part-time dad
It was hard to find happiness inside of what I had
I studied my mother, I digested her pain
And vowed no women on my path would have to walk the same
Travel like sound across the fate ladder
I travel with spoon to mix this cake batter
And I travel with feels so I can deal with touch
It's like that, thank you very much, fuck you very much!

[Chorus]
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

[Slug]
Fuck the "what happened?", I got stuck
They can peel pieces of me off the grill of her truck
Used to walk with luck, used to hold her hand
Fell behind then played the role of a slower man
I want to stand on top of this mountain and yell
I want to wake up and break up this lake of hell
I feel like a bitch for letting the she twist me up
The last starfighter is wounded, time to give it up
On a pick it up mission, kept it bitter
Gettin' in a million memories just to forget her
The difficulty in keepin' emotions controlled
Cookies for the road, took me by the soul
Hunger for the drama, hunger for the nurture
Gonna take it further, the hurt feels like murder
Interpret the eyes, read the lines on her face
The sunshine is fake, how much time did I waste?
Fuck you Lucy for leaving me
Fuck you Lucy for not needing me
I wanna say fuck you because I still love you
No, I'm not okay, and I don't know what to do

[Chorus]
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
(Yes, yes it is)
And everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love
Everyone in his life would mistake it as love

[Slug]
Do I sound mad? Well I guess I'm a little pissed
Every action has a point, five points make a fist
You close 'em, you swing 'em, it's hurts when it hits
And the truth can be a bitch, but if the boot fits
I got an idea: You should get a tattoo that says "Warning"
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left and save breath,
And avoid you, sober and upset in the morning
I wanna scream, "Fuck you Lucy!"
But the problem is I love you Lucy
So instead I'ma finish my drink and have another
While you think about how you used to be my lover

What I learned out on the road

Courtney claims she broke up with her "boyfriend" for me.
We talked a bit last night. She asked me not to talk for a sec so she could tell me that shes realizes shes really taken advantage of my caring over the past few years, and how shes taken me for granted, how she wants something real, and is scared shitless of my answer. I told her that if theres one thing Im not, its that Im not chickenshit to the point where I have to have an important conversation over the phone.


What dawned on me though, and I suppose that it really hit me harder than just about anything I've ever realized.

I've lost my ability to really love, or to really care about someone in a romantic fashion since Kellye and I broke up. I never realized it until last night. But, since she left, I almost feel like I lost a large part of myself, and part of that was my ability to really give my love or my all. Ive been having dreams about her over the past month or two, nothing seriouos, but I kept trying to figure out what they mean, but I realized, what they mean is "Wes, you had something special you took for granted, and now, you'll never have that sensation again."

It's Counts birthday tomorrow, hopefully it'll be some fun around midnight.

Cinco. Woozy.

I had a fun Cinco De Mayo.
As in, I spent time with two of the most important women I've ever had in my life.

What I came to realize is just how much Steph and Kelly mean to me. I want to hate Kelly, but every time I see her, I say the same "Wow. I miss her." or "She looks great" And I've come to realize just how much I enjoy Steph's company the older I get. I've always looked at her as one of my best friends, but I dunno, I like that her and I can joke alot and are somewhat on the same page on certain things. Atleast, now I know shes just as evil as I ever have been, ha. It makes me happy that her and I have been friends for as long as we have. And to me, its a great thing, as I don't have alot of super close long time friends these days. But I suppose lately, what makes her friendship more important to me, is the blatant honesty it seems like we've had with each other lately. As in, theres no real sugarcoating, theres no bullshitting, its just honest, and I like to think that neither get offended.

Whats funny to me, is that anytime I see Kelly she always looks great. Sometimes, I wonder if she really just upkeeps herself that way, or if maybe sometimes she tries to look good when I'm around. Im pretty sure I'm just reaching on the latter, ha.

She conned me into staying. But if it put a smile on her face, then I'm glad I did.

What really has been on my mind the past couple of days, was the "I want to fuck him. I want to be friends with him, I really do, but anytime I'm in the car with him I try to listen, but I just want to kiss him"


I wonder if that was just a drunken comment, or if it was serious. Or, if it was serious, how long has she felt that way. Was it just that night? Was it in general for a while? Because I can lie as much as I want to, I feel the same fucking way with her sometimes.

What also dawned on me that night, was that Kelly always has some special way to put how I feel into perspective, whether she means to or not. She always says I'm like Pacey from Dawsons Creek, and I wonder if shes the female version of me to that.

But what dawned on me, and I'm wondering if I'm trying to be too poetic here, is this.

Well, a few things.

Shes the first girl I ever fell in love with. And I still care about her lots. I try not to, but anytime I see her it usually re-affirms how much I really do car, especially when I know she wanted to see me.

I don't think about her everyday, but sometimes, I just have these funny daydreams about her. Thats one of those things I don't tell too many people. I'd marry her. No doubt. Hell, shes the first girl that ever passed the door test. One of the first girls that I'd ever really made cry and felt horrible about. Shes the first chick that really got me jealous.

And what else hit me, was that sometimes I think I cared for Courtney so much, because Courtney was the next best thing to Kel, I mean really. Look at it.

And what also bugged me, was how long it had been since I'd seen Kelly, as in, really actually talked and chatted and hugged and just been friendly and talked a little shit and this that and the other, and just how much I enjoy it, the good times with her.

I know she was drunk, but I hope there was some truth in her wanting to actually hang out more often now that shes single.

It's funny though, as its not that I'm having the "Shes single, I should swoop in" thought process, its the. "I like seeing that girl happy and in her sassy-smartass shoes, and I'd like to try and make her happy" thought process, or to just spend some legit time with her. I'm not the take advantage of vulnerability kind of guy. I'm not a rebound guy. I always feel really out of place just trying to get dinner with her when she has a significant other. Hell, I feel out of place just wanting to catch up. I enjoy our talks, and how her and I both have the "do as I say not as I do" ideas on life.





Got you feelin woozy baby (baby)
And thats hows it gonna be when I take you from the club to the crib
on dubs and I get you in the bed with meeee (in the bed with me)
your so pretty, and so sweaty and so sexy and so ready
girl I'm surprised you this nastyyy
but its cool cuz I always wanted to go down on a girl that reminds me of me
so get upstairs, get yo clothes off and get them sexy legs legs in a 'V' (yup)
your vision blurry as if you were seeing two of me (two of me)
you so fine I'm so sad that you feelin so wooooozy