Cinco. Woozy.

I had a fun Cinco De Mayo.
As in, I spent time with two of the most important women I've ever had in my life.

What I came to realize is just how much Steph and Kelly mean to me. I want to hate Kelly, but every time I see her, I say the same "Wow. I miss her." or "She looks great" And I've come to realize just how much I enjoy Steph's company the older I get. I've always looked at her as one of my best friends, but I dunno, I like that her and I can joke alot and are somewhat on the same page on certain things. Atleast, now I know shes just as evil as I ever have been, ha. It makes me happy that her and I have been friends for as long as we have. And to me, its a great thing, as I don't have alot of super close long time friends these days. But I suppose lately, what makes her friendship more important to me, is the blatant honesty it seems like we've had with each other lately. As in, theres no real sugarcoating, theres no bullshitting, its just honest, and I like to think that neither get offended.

Whats funny to me, is that anytime I see Kelly she always looks great. Sometimes, I wonder if she really just upkeeps herself that way, or if maybe sometimes she tries to look good when I'm around. Im pretty sure I'm just reaching on the latter, ha.

She conned me into staying. But if it put a smile on her face, then I'm glad I did.

What really has been on my mind the past couple of days, was the "I want to fuck him. I want to be friends with him, I really do, but anytime I'm in the car with him I try to listen, but I just want to kiss him"


I wonder if that was just a drunken comment, or if it was serious. Or, if it was serious, how long has she felt that way. Was it just that night? Was it in general for a while? Because I can lie as much as I want to, I feel the same fucking way with her sometimes.

What also dawned on me that night, was that Kelly always has some special way to put how I feel into perspective, whether she means to or not. She always says I'm like Pacey from Dawsons Creek, and I wonder if shes the female version of me to that.

But what dawned on me, and I'm wondering if I'm trying to be too poetic here, is this.

Well, a few things.

Shes the first girl I ever fell in love with. And I still care about her lots. I try not to, but anytime I see her it usually re-affirms how much I really do car, especially when I know she wanted to see me.

I don't think about her everyday, but sometimes, I just have these funny daydreams about her. Thats one of those things I don't tell too many people. I'd marry her. No doubt. Hell, shes the first girl that ever passed the door test. One of the first girls that I'd ever really made cry and felt horrible about. Shes the first chick that really got me jealous.

And what else hit me, was that sometimes I think I cared for Courtney so much, because Courtney was the next best thing to Kel, I mean really. Look at it.

And what also bugged me, was how long it had been since I'd seen Kelly, as in, really actually talked and chatted and hugged and just been friendly and talked a little shit and this that and the other, and just how much I enjoy it, the good times with her.

I know she was drunk, but I hope there was some truth in her wanting to actually hang out more often now that shes single.

It's funny though, as its not that I'm having the "Shes single, I should swoop in" thought process, its the. "I like seeing that girl happy and in her sassy-smartass shoes, and I'd like to try and make her happy" thought process, or to just spend some legit time with her. I'm not the take advantage of vulnerability kind of guy. I'm not a rebound guy. I always feel really out of place just trying to get dinner with her when she has a significant other. Hell, I feel out of place just wanting to catch up. I enjoy our talks, and how her and I both have the "do as I say not as I do" ideas on life.





Got you feelin woozy baby (baby)
And thats hows it gonna be when I take you from the club to the crib
on dubs and I get you in the bed with meeee (in the bed with me)
your so pretty, and so sweaty and so sexy and so ready
girl I'm surprised you this nastyyy
but its cool cuz I always wanted to go down on a girl that reminds me of me
so get upstairs, get yo clothes off and get them sexy legs legs in a 'V' (yup)
your vision blurry as if you were seeing two of me (two of me)
you so fine I'm so sad that you feelin so wooooozy