Don't ask me why I smoke, I don't know.
But I drink to get drunk.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Clean up before she comes.
I'm not sure whats been wrong with me lately.
More and more, I can't concentrate on anything, or focus my attention.
I find myself snapping at people more and more lately, and lonelier than ever.
I really think there is something the matter with me, theres a devil and a god raging inside me, and I can't seem to focus on things at all. But I have my days sometimes, where everything is smooth, and I'm on top of my shit. Then other days, I can't get it together at all.
I'm getting sloppy.
I've been like this for a while.
I keep thinking I have cancer, and I've been having nightmares of mutual friends dying, as in, I wake up and have to check Facebook and shit to see if theres any "RIP" statuses. No close friends, just buddies I run into at parties and shit.
I keep getting these sick feelings, like randomly though the day, its like my stomach drops out, and I cant decide if Im going to vomit or faint.
It worries me though.
But the one thing that has really gotten to me lately, is that I havent thought about suicide in a long time. I really havent, I've just been in the shade looking for the sun, so to speak, and lately, all I want is for it to stay dark.
I wish it was 2005 again. May. When Nine Inch Nails were playing 2 nights in a row at the Tabernacle. When I was sure I knew what love was. When I was sure I knew who friends were. When I was sure about what I was about. I hated everything about myself. I was unhealthy, unhealthy, white as a ghost. I was miserable, and I wanted to die. But I had alot of fun, and I made my own rules. I cared unconditionally. I had alot to teach, and even more to learn, and all the time in the world, and money didn't matter. I didnt have the time that had passed me by. I didnt feel the way I do now then.
More and more, I can't concentrate on anything, or focus my attention.
I find myself snapping at people more and more lately, and lonelier than ever.
I really think there is something the matter with me, theres a devil and a god raging inside me, and I can't seem to focus on things at all. But I have my days sometimes, where everything is smooth, and I'm on top of my shit. Then other days, I can't get it together at all.
I'm getting sloppy.
I've been like this for a while.
I keep thinking I have cancer, and I've been having nightmares of mutual friends dying, as in, I wake up and have to check Facebook and shit to see if theres any "RIP" statuses. No close friends, just buddies I run into at parties and shit.
I keep getting these sick feelings, like randomly though the day, its like my stomach drops out, and I cant decide if Im going to vomit or faint.
It worries me though.
But the one thing that has really gotten to me lately, is that I havent thought about suicide in a long time. I really havent, I've just been in the shade looking for the sun, so to speak, and lately, all I want is for it to stay dark.
I wish it was 2005 again. May. When Nine Inch Nails were playing 2 nights in a row at the Tabernacle. When I was sure I knew what love was. When I was sure I knew who friends were. When I was sure about what I was about. I hated everything about myself. I was unhealthy, unhealthy, white as a ghost. I was miserable, and I wanted to die. But I had alot of fun, and I made my own rules. I cared unconditionally. I had alot to teach, and even more to learn, and all the time in the world, and money didn't matter. I didnt have the time that had passed me by. I didnt feel the way I do now then.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
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