Do you see gray as much as I do.

I hate when for some reason, I daydream about someone I haven't seen in 2 years or so. The last conversation we had was probably the most standoffish we had ever been, masked with the standard "Well its no big deal" to not show how outright upset I was about it. Masked with that bullshit of "Well, we're both so full of shit right now, but lets see who can unsettle the other the least blatantly."

The one thing I regret the most, is that I never got a copy of that picture of her and I. The one she had out front on her board of pictures in her condo. You know, that one where we actually looked like we gave a shit for each other. That one where we looked like we had it figured out. That one where we actually looked like we [could have] loved each other. That one that started the demise.

I dunno, I should have never let any pride I had stop anything with her and I. Should have came when you called, honey. I didn't. You stopped calling.

I miss her dearly. Such a big part of my life years ago. I guess I'd like her to see that I can do well.








I suppose with the whole big step of buying a home soon, that maybe, just maybe, I'm looking at it as some form of fresh start that I've kind of craved for the last, I don't know, 7 years.

One day I'll make enough money that I can just up and leave, move to the ocean, take just what I need, leave the rest, and start again. And never have to explain anything I've ever done again.