Sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down.


"When you love 3 women, its hard keepin up with lies."

She said something out of the blue to me saturday night.
Not sure if it was just a metaphor, or something more.
But its been on my mind the last few weeks.

Everytime I look at Courtney, I feel like I waste my time more and more, or care less and less. And that maybe I just still pursue her not because I even want her, but more that Ive never had her, that I need a simple yes from her, so I can get it out of my system.
I've realized, Im not content nor happy with a friendship, and shes completely right. We'd never work. Im starting to realize that. And for the first time with any chick Ive ever cared for, I'm ok with that.

Randi is way too good to me. She really puts an effort for me to be hers. Goes out of her way, comes to me, anything to put a smile on my face. Big hearts break easy.
It worries me though, just the things that go through my mind.

I know what the right thing to do is.
I cant decide if it is what I should do.
Or if I am wrong all in all.

I suppose, as honest as I can be. All I'm doing is chasing the feeling of a long gone first love.
And that feeling will never happen again as it did before. And I can accept that.

So I work hard, I work all day, and continue to have a daylong battle with myself about what I beleive is true, and what is bullshit. I try and spend time with those that matter, forget those that don't, and progress forward.

Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.