I need a getaway.

I think, I may just say to hell with it, and work all next week, and just take the monday after the birthday weekend off, I might not even party that weekend, I may just get someone to go with me, and go to the ocean, or really, anywhere but here. I dunno, I might take the monday around the 13th.

Ya know, I realized, I don't know how the hell I can get everything to go in the direction I'm hoping for for the new year.

Or how I can literally afford to go back to school.

Panic Attack, which is soon to be calmed by the smoothness of some Jack Daniels.

I'm just really starting to wonder if I will ever really get out of this slump, or atleast find the balance I want.

I had a great night last night.

I always wondered what could have came of her and I. I never spoke of it outloud though. Never so much as mentioned her to many people, or how I really was drawn to her the way I am. Maybe that was why I'd always text her when I was in the area, just to see if I might get a glimpse. I really fell heel over head for her when we met. That smell of body spray and cigarettes. And random run-in with good conversation, me restringing her guitar, and catching up led to a night of listening to music, making out, and hints of something that might come about this time around. I've always found her to be more beautiful than most, still do. Biggest brown eyes I've ever been drawn in. I forgot how big they were. But I went in way too fast, and fell way too hard that first go.

Maybe, something might work out this time? Whether it be something serious, or something just light and fun, I don't care.

I'm just babbling at this point, probably my usual way of finding the romance in anything in life, from a sentimental moment with a nice lady, to a nice day, to the perfect song to capture how I'm feeling coming on randomly.

To be honest, I'm not getting my hopes up again, I'm going to take it for what it is, and enjoy it while its there. Sure, shes that kind of girl that I deep down would want to show off to all my friends, that I'd want to take places, or just spend all my free time with, shes that kind of girl. A hint of insanity laced with a persona that I've never really witnessed.

But I do know, I don't want to run her off again. Maybe its nostalgia. Ego?

I do know, I can't connect with anyone anymore, but I do with her, not sure what level it is, but I smiled more last night than I probably have in the last 6 months. To me atleast, it seemed completely natural and right, all over again, like nothing was forced. And thats a rare feeling that I've seldom experienced.

All I know, is loneliness sits at a bar you've set too high.

And I dont want to be sitting at that bar this winter.